he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
