woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize