Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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