It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
