I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
