I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
