my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I think your dad took our porno
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
