Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
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