A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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