We need to start having sex underwater more often.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
How naked do you want me to be?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
