I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Ladies don't puke and tell
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
