i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
