Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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