I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
