i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
