I am in a vortex of obligation.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize