She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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