im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
