shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My vagina just clenched in fear
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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