Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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