I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize