Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Send help, water and tortillas.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
