Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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