Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
