Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
