Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
