none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize