goodnight i made you a song goodbye
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
