You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize