So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
