Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize