Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
