I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
did i walk over a car last night?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize