I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
