Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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