i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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