dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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