I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
