i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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