WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
