Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
