but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
