I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
