My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
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