I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
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