Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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