i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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