I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
