Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
