the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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