He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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