she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize