Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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