I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
