Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize