Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
