How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
