my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
