dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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