Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
