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Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
