I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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