I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
