That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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