When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
