got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You left your underwear on the fireplace
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
