I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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