This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
