Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
